I should have

I should have
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Drawing by Terry Coleman

 

I SHOULD HAVE

I should have waited till the spring

I should have waited till my meds kicked in and I could sing again

I should have waited till I had the chance to choose

I should have waited instead of running from the truth

I should have planted

I should have planted self love and tools

I should have planted gloves to pull up on the straps of my own boots

I should have chanted

I should have chanted the words that encourage me

I should have rolled up the rug of my beliefs and tossed it over my shoulder and walked down to the creek

And dumped it in and prayed to God that I be free

But should haves now are not an option that I have

I`ve made a choice and now I`m left holding the bag

My friends all love me but there is something I`ve missed

I blink the tears away but they turn into a mist

And out of the mist appears the contract I once made

before I was born and designed to take me to my grave

I chose to leave this way so that you all could see

The way you limit yourselves is the way you`re judging me

Suicide is an option

An option we can choose

But why we choose it

Creates a trap or creates a truth

I chose to leave this way so that you all could see

The way you limit yourselves is the way you`re judging me

The way I limit myself is the way I`m judging me

The way you limit yourself is the way I`m judging me